Current section: Essay > Response
Sample Question: Literary Analysis
"Why, thank you so much. I'd adore to."
I don't want to dance with him. I don't want to dance with anybody. And even if I did, it wouldn't be him. He'd be well down among the last ten. I've seen the way he dances… Just think, not a quarter of an hour ago, here I was sitting, feeling sorry for the poor girl he was dancing with. And now I'm going to be the poor girl.
"The Waltz," a short story by humorist Dorothy Parker, opens with the lines above. Explain how Parker establishes tone and uses perspective in the excerpt.
Sample Response That Received a Score of 3:
Dorothy Parker tells the story in the first person with two contrasting perspectives: what her character says and what she is really thinking. This sets an amusing and intimate tone throughout the excerpt.
Contributing to the sense of intimacy with her character is the conversational tone of her thoughts. Immediately the reader identifies with the character. Also, the use of present tense, so we are overhearing the character's thoughts as she is having them, contributes to the intimacy of the internal dialogue. When she says that she didn't want to dance with anyone, and even if she did "it wouldn't be him," it feels like the character is having a private conversation with the reader.
Finally, the reader is left with a feeling of ironic amusement. The character who so politely agrees to dance has just been feeling sorry for her partner's previous victim: "Just think, not a quarter of an hour ago, here I was sitting, feeling sorry for the poor girl he was dancing with. And now I'm going to be the poor girl." Again, the reader identifies with the intimate tone the character uses since at one time or another most of us have also agreed to do something we would have preferred not to, just to be polite.
Sample Response That Received a Score of 1:
In the above passage, Parker establishes tone with short, precise sentences, gradually getting longer. She used perspective in dealing with the fact that she does not want to dance and especially with him. She also was putting herself in the other girl's position.
Sample Question: Teaching Writing
Introduction
Students in a seventh-grade class were asked to write a descriptive essay, for an audience of their peers, in response to an assignment about a favorite person. What follows is the final draft of one student's response to this assignment. Read the student's response carefully, paying particular attention to the features of writing listed below, and then complete the three tasks that follow the student's response.
Features of Writing
- Focus/Thesis
- Organization
- Content/Supporting Ideas
- Sentence variety and complexity
Student Response
There are a lot of people that are important to me. My family, friends, and many more, but I know that my Aunt Pat is high on the list.
My Aunt Pat is someone I truly care about. Aunt Pat is always there for me. She makes me happy when I am sad. She also cheers me up when I am sad. Another reason I care for her is because we have the same interests. Pat likes to sew, scrapbook, and march in parades.
Pat is a great role model. She always tries to do the right thing. She is also very enthusiastic. Pat has many traits. She is reliable, cool, funny, and most of all she is creative. I love that she is a creative person. Currently she owns the costume shop in town. She also likes fall. She thinks it is pretty. Most people like winter because of Christmas, or summer because of the heat, but she has her own mind. She likes fall. I also love that she isn't afraid to be different.
In the end there are many reasons why I love her. She makes you feel like you are the most important person in the world and nobody can take that away from you.
Tasks
- Identify one feature of the student's writing as a strength. Be sure to support your response with examples from the student's writing. Do NOT discuss facility in the conventions of standard written English (grammar, punctuation) in this part of your response.
- Identify one feature of the student's writing as a weakness. Be sure to support your response with examples from the student's writing. Do NOT discuss the errors in the conventions of standard written English (grammar, punctuation) in this part of your response.
- Describe one follow-up assignment you would give to this student that would build on the strength you described in Task 1 OR address the weakness that you identified in Task 2. Explain how the assignment would help the student.
Sample Response That Received a Score of 3:
One strength of this student's descriptive essay is attention to the task of writing about a favorite person, which is established in a nicely stated (albeit structurally flawed) opening paragraph. my Aunt Pat is high on the list. All subsequent discussion is about Aunt Pat who cheers, who shares interests, who is a "great role model," who is creative ("Currently she owns the costume shop in town."), who like fall when winter and Christmas or summer are the more typical seasonal preferences.
However, the weakness in this essay is that this defined focus is not well elaborated with illustrative examples. Aunt Pat is a great role model, but how? "She always tries to do the right thing" but in what way or ways? When the student offers support — "…we have the same interests. Pat likes to sew, scrapbook, and march in parades" — the illustrative details are lacking. Sentences are simple, leaving the reader wishing for those supporting details.
The suggestion for revision, therefore, would be to build on the clear focus, which captures a genuine appreciation of this favorite person by extending the sentences to build interest. The student's respect and love of "Aunt Pat" is charming. The hints at her character (marching in parades, owning the costume shop, "she isn't afraid to be different") are intriguing. But, for example the simple, repetitive statements, "She makes me happy when I am sad. She also cheers me up when I am sad" do not reveal HOW "she is always there for me."
Illustrative examples literally "color in" the lines to make the portrait come alive.
The purpose of the essay is to "describe" a favorite person. The follow up assignment encourages the student to address this purpose. The essay is definitely about one favorite person, but the descriptive details are limited. Add in one or two stories and a brief example for other points would enhance the fullness of why Aunt Pat is special.
To extend the example above: The student could consider, "When was one specific moment when Aunt Pat cheered you up?"
In doing this revision with a topic close to the student's heart, the student will gain a better understanding of the value of including descriptive details/supporting ideas when making a point, and, therefore, what is meant by "complex" sentences. The student will gain an understanding that complex sentences that include illustrative detail are applicable in all writing, whether in a descriptive essay or when making a case in a persuasive essay or when addressing a topic in an expository essay.
Sample Response That Received a Score of 1:
This student really loves her Aunt Pat! She sounds like a fun person. As a scrapbooker, I know how much creative energy is needed. Aunt Pat is creative. The student says, "most of all she is creative" and she backs this up with the detail that the aunt owns a costume shop! And Aunt Pat loves fall, even when most people like winter "because of Christmas" and summer "because of the heat." These are good details of how Aunt Pat "isn't afraid of being different."
The essay makes a good case why Aunt Pat is a favorite person.
However, it is not perfect! I would have this student fix the fragments, like in the first paragraph. For example, "Some of those important people are my family, friends and many more, but I know that my Aunt Pat is high on the list." It is important to have the verb in that sentence to make it a sentence and not a fragment.
It is really important to write in complete sentences. This would be important to help the student become a better writer.